Sidestory: The Thailand Temple Trip ~ Prelude

Soo, it's time for me to embark on a trip to the far side of the world again. But why Thailand? Everyone knows I don't do well in the tropics (see Book V ~ Chapter 9 ~ Davao Downtime).

Well, long story made short, it's basically the same thing all over again, except different. Here's a quick recap of how this came to be:

Remember when I visited NFC and started helping out there as SOUP (Sidestory: Northern Lightning ~ Malmö & NFC Day 1)? Well, I ended up becoming part of STEW (STaff and crEW) there, and joined the Gaming department. This year, I ended up having dinner with a co-staffer from there who has a wife from the Philippines, and being the opportunistic fox that I am I naturally asked if she wouldn't happen to have any nice friends who're still looking for a mate. Turns out the answer to that was yes, and that's how I got introduced to Chella.

Now, how do I end up targeting Thailand if she's from the Philippines? Well, that's because she went to work in Thailand. So, we made plans to meet up in Bangkok, and I booked my trip there all the way back in May, almost half a year ago now. The idea was that we'd meet there and see if we'd get along.

Except... it didn't even last that long. Things have been rough between Chella and me for quite a while because we have some pretty major differences in values and expectations. Sure, there were good times in between, and there were days when we she was great company, and yet...

...looking back on the overall state of our relationship now, the one word that comes to mind before any others is "exhausting", followed by "frustrating" and "demanding". From the start, she had problems with accepting me for the fox that I am, and one sentence she wrote repeatedly was "I just want normal man." And that's just not who I am. I told her as much, and yet she kept demanding that I change who I am to accommodate her preferences.

I want you to let that sink in for a while, and then add on top of that the fact that to her, I was probably just a free ride ticket to a better life in Germany. In the end, she made me feel like she was just putting up with me until I had served my purpose. Not a good premise for a relationship.

Last Friday, we had our final argument. One that ended with her saying this:

And that was the end of that relationship, not even two weeks before we were scheduled to meet.

I did not try to pick up the pieces from there. I did that in the past, and I don't want to do it over and over again. Most importantly, however, I want to be accepted, not despite of who and what I am, but because of it.

I've got friends who accept me as I am. Friends who tell me how creative, kind and caring I am. I don't need to sell out who I am just to please some woman. And maybe that means that I'll never find a mate. But maybe I don't care about that anymore. It's a shame for the family that I'll never have, but what good would that be if I lost myself along the way.

This way, I'll at least get to live my own life as the fox that I am. Not hiding my true self away, but celebrating it. Strong, proud and free, I will be!

Which brings us full circle to my long-planned Thailand trip. The flight is booked, the Airbnb paid, the vacation days approved. It's original purpose may no longer exist, but I'm not letting all that preparation go to waste. And yes, I would have preferred spending that time going to Japan instead if I have to fly halfway around the world, but here we are...

At the very least, I know that Thailand has a lot of temples that I can visit (although they sadly won't have any fox shrines), so at the very least I've got something to focus on. At least on the day when I'm not boxed indoors on account of it being frigging typhoon seasons there right now. Nice act of preemptive vengeance luring me here during this time of the year, Chella!

Anyway, that's the situation. Not ideal. And you an bet your tails that I'll be crying in bed on at least some of my nights there, but I'm still intending to make the most of this mess anyway. Life can knock me down, and in can knock me down hard. But it won't be able to keep me down!

With that being said, I'm gonna keep you all posted on my journey here. I depart on Wednesday the 7th of October, and arrive  on the 8th. From then on, I intend to make one post each day, and even if it's only "Too rainy to go outside, but saw some nice fish swimming past my window". So until then, stay tuned, and be of great cheer! =^,~'=